Jordan Diaries: Rahaf
My name is Rahaf. I'm 19 years old.
I am studying journalism at university, but I don’t like it at all. I wasn't convinced of it, but I chose it to escape my reality. My dream is to study criminology, but it doesn't exist in Jordan. Nevertheless, I was not supported in this matter, and I was mocked because of it.
Our financial situation is very bad. My father doesn't want to work. He refuses to let me or my sisters work because he doesn't want us to be independent or bear money. He wants us to always kneel before him.
My dad’s mother gives him 5 dinars so that he can buy us food, but he buys potatoes and tomatoes and takes the rest of the money to buy a certain type of tea that he likes.
Of course, we have no money for me, my mother, and my sisters, and there is no food.
I communicate with a therapist, but not very often. I don't feel comfortable with her, but I can't do anything. My official diagnosis is that I have childhood trauma, depression, and anxiety to a high degree.
Sometimes I wish to escape, and sometimes I wish to commit suicide. I am afraid of escaping and that life will become more difficult for my mother and sisters.
Of course, it is forbidden for me to ever go out. If I go out, I go to my grandmother or my married sisters, And if I want to go any further, I go to my aunt’s house because they are allowed to do anything, but we can't breathe.
It is forbidden to go out. It is forbidden to laugh. It is forbidden to go to my friend’s house. It is forbidden for my friends to come to my house. It is forbidden to go to buy chips. It is forbidden to carry a phone. It is forbidden to wear what I want. It is forbidden to put on makeup. It is forbidden to have a boyfriend or a guy friend. It is forbidden to carry money. It is forbidden to work. It is forbidden to stand by the window. It is forbidden to go out on the balcony. It is forbidden to take a shower more than once a week.
I know you can study whatever you like with a master’s degree - but I don't want to. I want to study criminology.
I'd rather die than accept my reality.
I never want to accept it; if I ever accept it, I know that I died.
Under Jordan’s 2019 Personal Status Law, women must obey their husbands; if they don’t, they could be subject to legal consequences, such as loss of spousal maintenance or worse. Women and girls in Jordan also may risk arrest for leaving their homes without their male guardian’s permission.
Societal norms also play a significant role in restricting women and girls’ freedom of movement in Jordan.
Recommendations from Human Rights Watch:
Authorities in Jordan should:
Repeal any and all discriminatory restrictions on women’s movements, including male guardianship requirements on women. This should include repealing:
laws or policies that restrict women’s movements, including legislative provisions that require women to “obey” their husbands and sanction women if they leave the home without their husbands’ permission;
policies or practices that allow authorities to arrest women for being “absent” from the home