Iraq Diaries: Rania

Diary Entry – Voice from Fallujah (Rania*, 18, Iraq)

Listen to me. I am a human being who was born into a very complex environment and society, to the point that I cannot reach the garden or even look out the window.

They forced me to wear the hijab when I was just 13 years old. I was a child. I didn’t understand. I’ve been locked up in the house all my life. I missed out on so many opportunities—things I had the right to do.

In this house, I beg them just to bring me something from the market. The furthest I’m allowed to go is school, and not for my future—but to lighten their burden.

It is never easy for me to say any of this. I was deprived of seeing the sun. I was banned from practicing my hobby—drawing—just because of their beliefs.

I cannot fight them alone. Fighting your family is a losing battle.

I cry every day at the end of every day because I’m locked inside. I can’t express my dreams or desires in front of them—they are violent. So I have to act. I have to flatter. I’ve spent years like this. I’m 18 now.

All I fear is that my life will pass and I will die in this state.

All I want is my freedom. My life.

Please take my words seriously. My situation is so serious that if I even think about running away, I could be killed.

They would say it was to wash away the shame.

I’m from Anbar, Fallujah. I come from a very strict religious family, and my entire community follows fanatical religious parties.

If my family ever found out I said any of this, I’d be in real danger. I’m not joking.

This is a country that allows the marriage of a 7-year-old girl.

A country where girls are killed in the name of honor.

All I want is my freedom and my life. And I don’t know how.

Even the smallest mistake from me could be fatal.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I’m allowed to hope for.

If I could change one thing, it would be the laws that allow this:

The imposition of the veil,

The killing of girls who run away,

The oppression and deprivation of women.

Many girls lost their lives simply because they wanted their freedom.

*Names have been changed for safety.