Afghanistan Diaries: Razia
I am Razia, 19 years old, from Afghanistan—a girl eager to achieve her dreams despite all the difficulties they may bring. I have always dreamed of going to a foreign university. I have always tried to learn English to gain admission to university.
I am starting my story from when the Taliban took over my country. When the Taliban took over, all things became backward. At that time, I was in 11th grade with two more years until graduation. In the beginning, I lost all my motivation and hope. Those days were like hell for me, but soon after, when I heard that schools were still open, I felt like flying in the sky. When I returned to school, just three girls were in my class. It was heartbreaking for me because there were about 32 before that.
Our city kept teaching girls above 6th grade until March 2023, even though these girls were banned from attending in other areas. Mazar City was one of only four schools open for high school girls. Although girls’ educations were banned, I was determined to go to school, to finish school, and to be able to start my university application. When I graduated from high school in December 2022, I heard many countries announce scholarships to help Afghan girls. I thought they might accept me because they knew it was necessary for me to be outside this border to continue my higher education, so I applied to a university. When they emailed me for an interview, I was happy. Even though I was excited, I knew this would bring more difficulties; in Afghanistan, most homes do not have a reliable internet connection, so I would need to find somewhere I could go for a good connection. I found an internet club downtown, and they allowed me to have my interview there the next day.
On the interview day, I got there about 15 minutes early. I sat on a couch that was near the reception desk. The receptionist and two other people there were boys. They told me that when my interview started, they would leave the room to avoid disturbing me. It was about 2 minutes before starting my interview, and I had everything prepared when suddenly the Taliban came. The guards began yelling at me, saying, “Why are you here, and what are you doing among boys? Aren’t you ashamed that you are here? Where is your male guardian?” I had nothing to say. I felt myself not breathing, not moving.
When the Talib turned to the receptionist, I snapped out of shock. I took my phone and computer and left the room. I ran away and escaped. While collecting my things, I heard the Talib slap the receptionist and ask why they let me inside. I took a taxi and told him to not wait for anyone else. “I will pay whatever you want,” I said to the driver. “Just take me far away from this place.” All the way home, I had tears in my eyes and a war in my mind.
When I got home, I was so afraid and cried for hours. I called my sister to tell her everything and told her to email the university to give me another chance.
That event made me feel quiet, and I was afraid even to go out and get groceries for days. Finally, after all this, I was admitted to that university, but I did not know how to get there. When I think about that interview day, I think about how everything could be ruined in just one second; I live with that thought every day, which terrifies me. If the soldiers followed me, they could have arrested me, but I think to myself, so what if they arrested me? Afghanistan is already the biggest jail for women in the world; it wouldn’t change anything if they put me in prison, as I already am. I don’t know what I will do if I cannot continue my higher education and my dreams do not come true. But I know one thing: that despite these difficulties, I will not give up in any situation. I do not have any option other than to succeed.