Haiti Diaries: Esther

I am Esther*, and I’m 28 years old. I am Haitian and currently live in Haiti. As the crisis in Haiti makes headlines in local and international newspapers, the situation in the country is very chaotic, especially in the west of the capital, where armed gangs rule. This violence has consequences such as the closure of schools, public and private institutions, and hospitals. Essentially, the country has now become an autocracy, impacting the lives of everyday citizens with households divided, loss of human life, and incidents of rape.

As a young woman, I don't have a normal life. All my dreams have gone up in smoke. I had many plans, but unfortunately, they fell into the water. It has been one month since bandits destroyed the police station and barricaded the roads. It's worse than being in prison because while in jail, you understand why you're confined; here, we have no clue why or when we'll be free to leave our homes. Spending the little money I have without earning anything in return has become burdensome. I don't know what the future holds, but I maintain hope. I am still breathing. For now, it feels like my life ends here.

This crisis and conflict negatively impact the lives of women in every sense of the word—emotionally, physically, and spiritually. With many men killed or joining gangs, women are left as widows, or as wives to bandits, often homeless with children, and frequently separated from their husbands. With women predominantly working in the informal sector, their inability to go out and sell daily bread to feed their families feels overwhelmingly heavy.

I work as a nanny, and my earnings were helping me through college. I managed to attend culinary school while continuing with my nanny job. But now, with no pay and worsening conditions, my days are empty. We're confined to our homes, and we don’t know for how long.

This crisis completely changed my life, my education, and the career I wanted to start. Since my adolescence, I had planned how I wanted my life to be, but today, it is the complete opposite of what I wanted. After completing my studies, I spent three years bouncing between odd jobs until I landed a position as a nanny—a role I never envisioned for myself, yet it became my means to pay for my studies. However, financial constraints forced me to abandon my education, and so far, I still haven't started a career. The worst part is that the years don't wait for me; we age despite our circumstances.

Living here feels like a taste of hell; our tropical country is ruled by gangs while the state remains powerless. The infrastructure is crumbling—hospitals, prisons, and police stations are nearly nonexistent. The cost of living increases every day amid low employment rates, the airport is dysfunctional, gangs occupy the port, and the total unsanitary conditions are all that and even more.

I am depressed to see my life on pause while I am young, full of potential and energy, and young women of my generation are moving forward successfully in their lives in other countries. Some days, I cry bitterly about it, but despite everything, I hold onto hope because I am still breathing.

*Names have been changed for safety.

Civil unrest and gang violence have led to a humanitarian crisis in Haiti, with more than 300,000 people displaced from their homes. More than 4 million Haitians – 60 percent of them women and girls – need emergency assistance, according to UNFPA (The United Nations Population Fund).

Last year, violence against women increased 377 percent; one in five women in Haiti say they have been victims of rape.